Where I Belong
by fbi-woman
Summary: UPDATED! Chapter 2 is up. Yet another CG songfic, as seems to be my specialty. This one uses parts of different songs as specified in each chapter. This is the first chapter but I'm not sure as of yet how many chapters there will be. Warning: Spoilers.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Where I Belong

Author: fbi-woman

Rating: PG-13 to be safe since I'm not quite sure exactly where I'm going with this one yet.

Type: CG of course, although I haven't really written the vast majority of that art yet lol. It's a post-ep fic of sorts as well which should hopefully make for a nice change.

Spoilers: sounds the warning bell This is a post-ep fic for the episode Viva Las Vegas so beware….

Disclaimer: I hate these stupid things….. I don't own anything and I'm not claiming to.

Summary: Well, as said, this is a post-ep fic for Viva Las Vegas so you probably already have a good idea of what it's about. This particular chapter is kind of a prelude to the CG part, so there isn't a huge amount of CG action in this chapter but it's coming!

AN : This used to be a songfic to "Get Out" by JoJo. For the songfic version, please visit I Belong

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I can't believe my eyes; I feel like I've been slapped in the face. I can't move: all I can do is stare. He's looking at me like I'm crazy, like he can't understand why I'm upset. How else am I supposed to feel? He's the one who asked me to come here tonight but I guess I wasn't what he had in mind after all.

"What do you expect? I run a nightclub."

Is that supposed to make it all right? He makes it sound like I should have seen it coming the whole time. Is he right? Was I just oblivious to it all? Did I miss the signs along the way? I just don't understand. I can't believe this is happening; that he would treat me like this…. I thought I meant more to him than that. I open my mouth and try to speak but no words come out. There are so many things I want to say but I can't seem to string the words together. I feel my heart sink to the floor and I know I need to leave. I take one last look at the man I thought I knew and I turn and walk away silently. As make my way out of the club, I feel like everyone is looking watching me and I know that my feelings much be written all over my face. I climb into the safety of my car and stare at the drops of rain beginning to fall on my windshield.

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As much as I wish I could simply erase it from my mind, I keep replaying the scene over and over in my head. A few minutes ago I was on top of the world and it all ended in a matter of seconds. I pray that this is just a dream; that I'll wake up and Chris and I can have a good laugh about it in the morning but I know that can't be. Just when I started to think our relationship might become a long-term thing, he went and cheated on me, completely shattering my visions. I wish I could turn back tine and change it so I never walked into that club. How could I be so stupid? It's not like I haven't been in this situation before but for some reason I allowed myself to get sucked in to it again. Every time he told me I was different, that I was special, that I was the only one…. It was all lies. That selfish bastard: he was playing me the whole time, just using me and tossing me aside like a toy, like all the rest of his cheap whores. Is that all I am? That seems to be all anyone wants me for.

'Stop it Catherine' I scold myself, 'don't think like that. You know there's so much more to you than that, even if no one else sees it'

Well, there is one person who knows who I really am, but I don't think he wants me either…. but I guess I can't really blame him. If only I was stronger, if only I could tell him what I really feel. Then maybe I wouldn't keep getting sucked into this vicious cycle of betrayal. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

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I feel that familiar sting behind my eyes and I struggle to hold it in. Clearly Chris is not who I thought he was and he is **definitely** not worth crying over. I sigh and wish fervently that Gil was here; hugging me, telling me everything will be fine. I feel a new rush of tears threatening to break free as I think of how Gil and I have drifted apart. What I wouldn't give for things to be like they once were. I start the car with the intent of going home but I change my mind and decide to go for a drive to clear my head.

Initially, I'm surprised to find myself in Gil's driveway but when I really think about it, I know this is where I wanted to be all along; the only place I feel like I belong. I step out into the pouring rain and make my way to the front door. I stand there for a while but I can't seem to bring myself to ring the doorbell. I'm slowly becoming aware of how cold I am, standing there in the rain, and I start to regret not wearing a coat over my tank top. Suddenly the door opens and I see him standing there in front of me. I know he can sense how I'm feeling and without a word he opens his arms to me. I walk into his embrace and throw my arms around his neck, pulling him close. Finally, in the warmth and comfort of his arms, I am able to let it all out, and I cry.

To be continued……


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Where I Belong

Author: fbi-woman

Rating: PG-13 to be safe since I'm not quite sure exactly where I'm going with this one yet.

Type: CG of course, although I haven't really written the vast majority of that part yet lol. It's a post-ep fic as well which should hopefully make for a nice change

Spoilers: sounds the warning bell This is a post-ep fic for the episode Viva Las Vegas so beware….

Disclaimer: I hate these stupid things….. I don't own anything and I'm not claiming to.

Summary: Well, as said, this is a post-ep fic for Viva Las Vegas so you probably already have a good idea of what it's about. This is still kind of a prelude to the CG part, so the CG happiness has not yet arrived but it will surface at some point lol.

AN: This chapter is REALLY short but too much time passes between the end of this one and the beginning of the next one to stick them together into one (I tried and it was very awkward lol). I don't have English this semester so I've kind of let my writing style slip a little so I'm sorry for the poor vocab and any horrible grammatical errors that I've probably made. As always, the Queen of the Semicolon has severely overused it hehehe. I'm really insecure about the direction I'm taking this fic in so I'd really like some feedback on it. I was going to go right to the happy fluffy stuff but I wanted a little drama first. Now I'm starting to wonder if I should have cut to the happy point…. I need some other POVs. This was originally a songfic to "Forgive Me" by Doc Walker. For the songfic version, please visit 2

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Grissom:

I hold her close, not bothering to ask what's wrong since I already know. It's not like we haven't been here before. The way she's dressed, the look on her face; she's been hurt yet again by another man who doesn't appreciate her. Why Cath, why? Why do you waste your time on these guys, looking for love in all the wrong places and everywhere else but right in front of you? I'm right here, I always have been and I love you more that anyone else ever could. I wish I could tell you but I know it wouldn't make a difference. I'm a CSI; I follow the evidence and it clearly shows that you're not interested in me. Instead of confessing, I'll simply wait for the moment that I know is coming. It's that horrible, inevitable where she clamps up and shuts me out and……. bang! Here it is. I feel her body tense against mine and her sobs vanish into the silence. Please Catherine, don't do this; please don't push me away. I want to be there for you, to be the friend you need. Talk to me, stay with me, just please don't leave me behind again. I need you. You're everything to me.

Catherine:

What's wrong with me? I thought I was past this; that I had become stronger and no longer required someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything will turn out fine. I feel bad for doing this to Gil. I can't count the number of times I've just shown up here at his door, crying in the middle of the night. I know it hurts him to see me like this. Even worse, it makes me feel guilty for selfishly expecting him to drop whatever he was doing to come comfort me and then I get angry for allowing myself to accept the comfort when he offers it. I feel the knot building in the pit of my stomach, encouraging me to tell him the truth about my real feelings for him but I just can't. I should leave before I do or say something; I don't trust myself to keep it all in when I'm already emotional like this. I should have known this would happen. It happens every single time. I start to pull away from his arms and I see that same, familiar expression on his face. I look at the pain in his eyes, begging me not to turn away from him but I refuse to listen. I don't say a word, afraid of making things even worse than I already made them. I simply walk back to my car and make the usual depressing drive from his home to mine; using the radio to try and drown out my heart as it repeatedly tells me to turn around.

I slowly pull into my driveway and skillfully apply a fresh layer of makeup, covering any redness that remained from my earlier display of emotion. I put on my battered mask of happiness, forcing a smile as I walk through the door just in case Lindsey is waiting up for me. That is not the case however and I wonder why I expected it to be. I've noticed that Chris is not the only person I've let slip away from me. I get ready for bed and lay down, trying to fall asleep before my thoughts take over. With Lindsey already in bed, the house is silent and I feel so alone. I close my eyes, listening to the sound of my broken heart beating, praying for this nightmare to end, and finally I am able to relax as sleep temporarily takes me away from the horrible mess I've created.


End file.
